Wednesday, September 30, 2009

OOch Ouch

It is no secret that guys hate "ooch ouch" girls

You know, the ones that go "ooch, ouch, oww, owwie" when a penis tries to enter their vagina

This is usually an indication that:

  1. 1.Dude's penis is too big for her to handle
  2. 2.It's been a while since she's been "entered
  3. 3.Maybe she's never been entered
  4. 4.This is rape

Number 4's quite easy, no means no

If you're forcing yourself on someone who doesn't want you,

It will hurt her and I'm sure she'll be doing more than just "ooch, ouch"…

All rapists should be ashamed of themselves, and if she's unconscious it's still rape

Moving on, everyone knows that when you're dealing with virgins, you need to be gentle,

Ease your way in, making sure she's comfortable and not dying from pain

It's also helpful if you warm her up beforehand,

Get her juices flowing before you enter

Some guys fail to understand that if a girl doesn't have sex for a long time, she tightens up,

How tight?

Well that depends on how long it's been but for some girls it can be as if they've never had sex,

So you, as the man, need to take you time when entering,

Once you're in (if she's wet) then the pain slowly fades and the pleasure train rolls in

And finally number 1.

All females have different perceptions of what is "too big",

I personally believe that any man with a 10.5 inch dick or bigger needs to come with a warning:

"I will tear your sh*t up"

Better yet, get that as a sticker and place it right on your forehead, so we know in advance…

You can't just surprise a girl with a big-ass penis expect not here a couple of "ooches and ouches"…

And some "owwies", some "damns", some "help me sweet Jesus"

You get the point.

If it hurts, we'll let you know but if you're good at your job

And throw in a few licky lickies before you tap tap it,

Then everything should go smoothly.

No ifs, ands or owwies.

Relevant Jam: Take my time- Brandon (Boo) Hines

BrandonHines.jpg Brandon Hines image by Dewayne_rivers

Keep it safe.

-O.

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